Hang On

*Trigger warning*
This poem uses real references to suicidal thoughts. Please consult a medical professional if you begin to have thoughts of hurting yourself or others.

 

Therapy for me begins when I write.
It’s what keeps me sane, sometimes keeps me alive.

For this week’s “thinks”,  please pull up a chair
I have something to tell you, something to share

My fight’s been a struggle, far from perfect
But I hope to look back and say it was worth it

See a few months ago I had a plan
A plan to end all and hang from a fan

I’d look up at night and wonder what was my purpose
I asked God for a sign and I think that He heard it

But His plan wasn’t immediate nowhere near instant
It took a lot of effort and more than a minute

Healing began when I opened my past
Sometimes it meant having a panic attack

It took trial and error and different medication
Even though all I wanted was permanent sedation

It took facing the things I feared the most
All the demons inside, I was their host

It took trusting the friends who stuck around
And letting go of the ones who couldn’t be found

I now think back to how things could have ended
Would that cure-all? Would my soul be mended?

I picture myself, from my old scarf I was strung
Family and friends looking up to where I had hung

“What did we do? Could we have done better?”
These are the questions they’d be left with forever

As the minister would stand and speak of my life
The only thing my loved ones would wonder is “Why?”

Why?

Why did she quit fighting and choose to die?
Was this really the answer by ending her life?

What of the people who looked to her for help?
Will they now wonder of killing themselves?

What of her sister, nephew, husband, or brother?
Didn’t they matter to her? Didn’t they care for each other?

These are the questions your loved ones would ask.
So please don’t leave them to that, not with that task.

I chose to stay, and so should you
I know you feel alone, but it’s not true

My mind is naturally a death trap if I let it be idle
I’m just like you, naturally suicidal

A constant dance of wondering if I should stay
A panic attack away from not being ok

Breathe my friend, don’t let go of my hand
I’ll sit with you through the pain, you don’t have to stand

Promise me you’ll stay and save this number (800-273-8255)
You don’t have to be alone, we can be there for each other

Hang on.

 

 

Dear Friend,

You may have stopped by because you are thinking of ending your life. I just want to let you know that whatever your reasons, I know that you’re hurting. I know I may not be able to change you mind. But I want you to know that I care and you would not be bothering me at all if you sent me a message. I’d love to talk to you. If I don’t respond immediately, it’s not that I don’t care either. Please be patient with me and we can talk.

Love,
Joy

 

 

 

 

 

 

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