Moving Forward: Regaining control of my life

One day at a time

That’s what I tell myself anyway. What a trip this past year has been. So many dark times, letdowns, but also many new beginnings.  If you’ve read some of my previous “thinks” (Such as Meeting my Dad for the first time: How to handle good memories  and Talking to myself: Healing from an abusive childhood), you will know that I am currently going to therapy on a consistent basis.

I had been to counseling before, but I don’t think I was ready to revisit the many painful memories… Until now. Somehow one of the darkest years of my life gave me strength I never knew existed. I went from being terrified of leaving my front door to doing what I had been wanting to do for years. I finally re-started my YouTube channel!

It’s something that I would not have been able to do without gaining some more confidence. So for me (even though it’s a small start), it’s a win.

I had made a vision board at he beginning of this year. And this has helped me to look forward to all of the things I want to do or improve. On that board, was creating a YouTube channel and seeing Christine Cane speak. Both of which are happening this year!!!

The hardest part is healing

I think one of the many reasons many people (including myself) put of going to therapy is fear of feeling. Remembering… reliving…
This has definitely been the case for me, I was afraid to go. But I found myself in a place where I knew therapy was unavoidable, so I began going.

My therapist said something during one of our very first sessions that has stuck with me:

“You are being set free. You are being transformed. A Caterpillar can turn into a butterfly. But only after he is in a cocoon for a little while. During this process the entire DNA of this little creature changes. He goes from having hundreds of tiny little legs to just a few and some wings. Breaking out of the cocoon can take a minute, and so can spreading his wings. And right now, you have your wings, you’ve been in the dark cocoon, and you’re just waiting to fly”

And that’s where I’m currently at. Just starting to realize I really do have wings. They are not broken, I just haven’t learned to use them yet.

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I know many of you are currently going through therapy. I hope everything is going well. Please don’t hesitate to reach out. I would love to hear from you.

Joy

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