There are various reasons why people lie. Anyone reading today’s “thinks” has most likely told a “white lie” at some point in their life. Perhaps you told someone you liked their outfit when you didn’t have the heart to tell them that they should wear something else. Maybe you told your kids that Santa was real (Sorry kids if I was the first to tell you. I know, it’s devastating). Whatever the reason, we have all at some point said something that wasn’t the whole truth.
But what about those people who lie all the time? The motives could all be different, but we have probably all met that person. In today’s thinks, we’ll be talking about how to spot a pathological liar. It would be nice if you could carry some sort of bluetooth polygraph device, but I don’t think they’ve invented those yet. A common technique is to see if the persons eyes shift left when they’re talking. However, this may not always work because this behavior is also common with those that are anxious. If you’re on a first date, you will probably both be acting this way.
Some liars are very good at what they lie about. Sadly I’ve run into quite a few of these liars. Some were in the form of dates, “friends”, “family”, and creepy pilots who were trying to get a little extra “room service” when I was a flight attendant (My FA friends know exactly what I’m talking about). Although today’s tips may not be 100% fool-proof I’m writing this in hopes that it will save you from a few bad Tinder dates.
Ask the same question multiple times
The first tip is good for someone you may have more time to spend with then just one date. This could be that “friend” that you aren’t quite sure if they are telling the truth or not. They are listed in my post TOXIC : How to identify toxic relationships and how to break free. If you feel that they are lying to you, ask them the same question over the course of time. Try to ask them this question about three times over the course of a few days or weeks. If the story is altered, you will know that they are lying. The conclusion is that one of the versions of this story is a lie. It could also mean the whole story was not the true the entire time.
Repeat the facts but alter the story
This next tip will be a better option for those not sure if the date you just met is a pathological liar. This is also something that investigators use when questioning suspects as well as what judges use in courts. It’s commonly used in these types of settings because it works in more time pressing situations.
Your date might be telling you something that just doesn’t seem right. It might be a lie to get your sympathy or elevate their status. Give them a few minuets after they’ve shared their story with you. Once you’ve finished topics and given both your minds time to shift gears, ask them details about the story they told you earlier. Except this time, repeat the story back with a slight mistake. If they told you that they are manager at a major record label company, they have a private jet, their last girlfriend cheated on them with their client, and he’s left with her rescue German Shepherd, repeat the story with a slight alteration. Ask them the name of their Great Dane that they are having to take care of and how life as a song writer is. Both sound like really cool stories. Most likely they will go with whatever you think is going to sound impressive. After you know they’re a dishonest date, say good night and block their number. Bye!
It might be to gain acceptance or receive something in return, but we’ve all met this person. Anything you’ve done, they’ve done. Somehow it feels like they have everything in common with you… almost too much. While you probably have friends that have a lot in common with you, you’re going to run into some people who will shape shift into anything you need them to pretend to be. If you’re on a date with this guy/girl ask them specific questions.
You tell them that your best friend works at corporate XYZ, they say “Me Too!”. You tell them you like XYZ, they say “Me Too!”. At this point you are finishing each other’s “sandwiches”(Yes that is from Frozen… I’m a sad person ok…). Instead of telling them the name of your best friend’s boss, ask them who their boss is. Don’t allow them to leach off of your answers. If they are telling the truth, it will be very easy to fill in their own blanks. If they are lying… well things might get awkward pretty quick.
Thanks for reading today’s thinks! I hope that you’ve found today’s thinks to be useful. As I’ve learned to trust people over the years, I’ve also come to know that there are some truly amazing honest people who do exist. Many of them have become my friends and I am so thankful for them. My hopes are that you are able to avoid going on any second dates or form long-term friendships that could end up as total disasters.
Thanks again for stopping in! See you next week!